Thursday, July 3, 2008

Happy July 4th!

Sal and I have been invited by our lesbyterian friend and her roomate to a 'Bat Bar-b-que! That's what we call 'em here in the A-Town, but lest you think we cook up bats and eat'em...ick!!!!!!, (although James did just that in the last Survivor season), no, no! We'll WATCH the bats fly while we eat pigs and cows meat from the bar-b-que. Well, now that I describe it all that way, the whole thing sounds disgusting, doesn't it?

I can assure you that we WILL indulge! What some of you in the hinterlands might not know is that we have a bridge over the Colorado river that runs smack through the middle of our lovely downtown, and this particular bridge is the home to BILLIONS of Mexican Free Tail Bats. Every evening around dusk for several months of the year, they ALL fly out from underneath that bridge and head out all over town, around town, out of town and even uptown looking for mosqweetos on which to dine. Just so happens that our friends' house lies in the direct flight path of ascension for all the little beasties! So, while we're holding our baby back pork ribs in our greasy, sauced over hands, we are gawking at all the many bats that they look like black clouds moving really fast. This will be especially fun because we'll be all liquored up too!

Besides, I like to woman flirt with lysbyterians. I have an androgenousness (is that a word?) about me and they're drawn to me like moths to a flame...or maybe like bats to a mosqweeto. Eeenyway, they love me and I like to flirt with them. It keeps my hetero flirting skills in good working condition in case I should stumble over a really handsome, middle-aged man who has passed out in their front yard on his way home.

We will take photos and post them! Got out and eat pigs and cows and whoop it up!



One of the nicest Fourth of Julys I remember was when The Ancient One, KK and her Husband#3 and I had a holiday dinner at the Savoy in London. We had been out all day at the Tower of London looking at two-hundred year-old blood stains in the stones where people's heads were chopped off. When we got back to the hotel the floor manager had set a round table in our suite complete with sparklers stuck straight up in the potted ivy, little American flags and what we were assured was turkey and gravy. It really looked like roadkill with squirrel throw-up but we were gracious and ate it.

I have seen the bats fly from under the bridge many times but to tell you the truth they just look like birds to me. Lots and lots of birds. Their shit is called guano. Did you know that bat guano as fertilizer is the finest in the world and once was more expensive than gold? They actually had guano mines where really scruffy guys would go gather it when the bats flew out every night. You had to be careful though, because the bat urine is poisonous and they piss all over everything as they fly out of the caves and such. That's why the tour guides at Carlsbad Caverns tell you to close your mouth and eyes when they fly out of the main cave. Well...if you have to close your eyes then....okay whatever.

Once on the Fourth of July we had a party in Santa Fe and the lead actor of a major motion picture got so drunk he threw-up in our driveway.

I am very grateful to be an American and I can't wait to see the fireworks, toast the flag and close my mouth and eyes as the bats fly by. yipee, uh...can't wait...

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Our latest on Health Central is up on their site!

Hehehe...the subject this month is 'Stopping Smoking,' about which we know a little more than most!

Click on the link below and go on over there. They've got a LOT of info on whatever ails you or whatever you wish ailed your worst enemy:

KK and Sal